Our Very Scary Week

We went to our 20-week anatomy scan with bright-eyed naïveté. (For those of you who either were pregnant before they did these anatomy scans, or are not in the phase of life where you/your besties/everyone you know is getting married and having babies... Let me explain. At 20(ish) weeks it is now customary to have an in-depth ultrasound in which the tech measures and takes images of all the main organs, etc. screening for any potential defects.)

We were so excited to get to watch our little one swim and squirm for 45 whole minutes while the tech snapped away! Ha. In reality, they made Alex wait in the lobby, and I stared at the dimmed fluorescent lighting in the ceiling while the tech pushed, and prodded on my uterus and (full!) bladder for 45 minutes, politely responding with no emotion to my every attempt to break the awkward silence with a witty quip or comment. (In her defense, they aren't allowed to reveal any info or lead you to believe things are good/bad due to liability.) 

At one point, I started to have a mini panic-attack because it seemed to me that she was going over and over the head/heart area of my baby. I thought this because it's the biggest part of the baby- and it hurt when she pushed! She finally told me she was having difficulty getting the baby in a position to capture heart images, and she sent me to retrieve Alex from the waiting room and go to the bathroom (thank God! I had to throw up! #noimnotjoking #mypregnantlife) 

Alex came and stood in the room and tried to decipher what exactly it was he was lookin at on the screen, while the tech chased the baby around a few more times, and then finally gave up. She explained that baby was laying horizontally across my uterus, with it's back facing out (face toward my spine). She explained that she couldn't get the images of the heart she needed, and they would be calling us to come in for another ultrasound, not to panic when we got the call. 

We did leave with this adorable little image of the glow worm that I am apparently carrying in my womb:

And that's as good as the images get! 😁

A week later I received a call from Kaiser wanting to schedule an appt for us with a Genetic Counselor, and a High Risk OB for an ultra sound. Woah. The tech had not said anything about genetic counseling, or a high risk ultrasound. I knew this was something different than just a re-scan for better imaging. But then again, Kaiser is all about protocol and procedure- was this just routine?

I contacted my OB's office and a nurse told me they had found markers on the ultrasound that triggered the genetic counseling and high risk OB appt, and that she would try to have my OB contact me with more info. 

Parenthood is a crazy thing. This baby is not even on the outside yet, and already we, as Mom and Dad, our hearts are

pre-occupied with wanting to protect and care for this little one even now. The "what-if" possibilities were swirling around us. Fear of what health problems our little one may have, whether or not we would have the means to care for it's every need, could we be "enough" for it, as parents? Would this baby get to stay with us? 

I was explaining to a friend yesterday, that this moment for me was my "rubber meets the road" moment. This moment in which I truly had to own and apply my faith in God and belief that ALL life has purpose and value and is a gift, no matter what that life may look like. It was a beautiful chance for me to realize how much my niece Lucy, and nephew Timothy, had grown my heart to be able to take that leap of faith and know it would be worth the risk and the pain. This baby, no matter what, was chosen for our family, and Alex and I could only pray that we could be what God was

calling us to be for it. 

After finally hearing back from the OB with more info about 4 days later (it turns out, she had left me a detailed voicemail before the initial appt call had come through, but I never saw it sitting on my phone), the OB confirmed that the ultrasound had shown potential soft markers for Down Syndrome in the heart and kidneys and THAT is what triggered the counseling appt and ultrasound with the High Risk OB. 

I cried sweet tears of relief. If Down Syndrome is all we have to worry about, then we really have no worries at all! My sweet Godson Timothy has taught me so much in just one year of his life about authentic JOY and love, I cannot imagine my life, or the lives of my future children, without his pure heart and faith to help us be better. With that news, my heart relaxed. I mean, come on, folks! Look at this face:

And his chubby feet and hands... I seriously can't stand it:

So if our little baby is anything like it's cousin... We will be blessed beyond measure. 

(Tune in next time, for the low down on our high risk appts)

Pregnancy Updates

Sorry for the lack of blogs. I have excuses, but... eh. I realized today that you may not remember that I am pregnant because I have been so absent - Heaven forbid! I am sorry, dear readers, that I have robbed you of my pregnancy over sharing.  Allow me to catch you up, and indulge in way too many bump pics. 

Sweet Baby O is still scheduled to arrive June 4, as "scheduled" as any non-surgical due date can be anyway. Let's be honest, babies come when they are good and ready. 

This little peanut is already a snuggly, cuddly, little one! At our 20 week anatomy scan, baby was so comfy and uncooperative that the tech couldn't get the images she needed, no matter how much she tried. Little stinker!

I am finally starting to feel like I look pregnant. Husby is excited for that because I can finally stop asking him if "I look pregnant, or just chubby?" For the record, he has been wonderfully insistent that I have looked pregnant for weeks... God love him! 

23 weeks! More than half way there. The first 16 weeks dragggggggged on. Between waiting every day to see if this little babe would get to stay with us, to the absolute pregnancy exhaustion - which, by the way, NO ONE can fully prepare you for weeks of feeling like you've been hit by a truck! (I've never had mono, but I'm pretty sure that's what I felt like for weeks 7-14ish) - the days dragged (drug? #whocares) on. Oh also, there was this little thing called "Morning sickness" (also not prepared for that) which I had from about week 6 to week 8. And then, at week 8, I stopped just feeling nauseous, and started actually throwing up. Daily. Sometimes multiple times a day. 

I counted down the days until my first tri would be over and I could stop throwing up. And when I got to week 18, I tried to not think about how many weeks I had spent hung over all of the toilets in SoCal (literally all of them). My favorite part (not) was when people would ask how I was feeling, be surprised when I told them the truth, and then tell me "don't worry... You'll be to the end of it soon! How many weeks are you?" I celebrated Week 20 (NOT within the First Trimester of pregnancy, for those of you who have difficulty dividing 40 by 3 #errbody) by "tossing the proverbial cookies" as I shared on el FB (though it wasn't actually cookies, because #gfsfdfsucks ). I actually started to feel better for most of week 22, but don't get too excited, because I celebrated those 3-4 glorious days by getting sick again yesterday. 

People tell me "it will get..." And I interrupt them: "Nope. We're past that point ::SMILE:: looks like we're in it for the long haul." 

And that's okay, because... Baby. (All the heart eyes)

More updates for you- like the story about our scary ultrasound, and MORE! Coming up on the blog... At some point (let's keep it real ;). 

In the meantime, want some awkward bump selfies??? I know you do. 

Sweet Baby O

It is true, Alex and I are expecting a baby hopefully on or around June 4, 2015. Which makes me 14 weeks and 2 days along right now. Which explains the silence immediately after my zealous return to blogging about...say...6-7 weeks ago or so... Yep. That was right about the point where I was smacked in the face with "Morning Sickness," which, by the way, was obviously named by a man. With a wife who was so sweetly "sick" in the mornings only. I call bull shit. :D

I guess now that "the cat's out of the bag" I can finally complain about allthethings -Yesss!

I'm sure there will be many more posts about this later, which you, my dear readers, will be so enthusiastic about, but let me suffice it to say (for now) that I was very optimistic about not feeling sick during pregnancy because my mom never had morning sickness, and that's the best prediction of what your fertility/pregnancies will be like, right? Your mom's experience. Well, I'm kinda sure I've been sick enough for the both of us. And let me say, I was absolutely naive to how much life and energy and enjoyment of food this wonderful little parasite was going to steal from me. I have spent the last 8 weeks laying on my couch, not even being able to quilt (I know!), trying to find something to eat every hour of the day (I never thought I'd hate food so much!), throwing up in all the most bizarre places....Pregnancy is NO JOKE, people! 

There is Sweet Baby O at our first ultrasound (10weeks) if you don't know how to decifer those photos, let me help: baby is "laying on its tummy" (face down) with the head on the left and butt on the right. See the little arms and leg nubs on the bottom??? All the heart eyes. Heart beat was strong- 160 beats per minute. Please keep us, and baby in your prayers- life is so very fragile, and we are grateful for each day. 

Now, to change my "secret" Pinterest Baby boards to public...

Reflections on Apartment Living (and other first world problems)

So this morning, I awoke to the sound of what I thought may have been someone knocking on our door... no, window? ... nope..... oh, perhaps our neighbor is hanging things on her wall... at 8am?!?! Really??? Nope.... Now there is drilling... What the heck?!

After further exploration (via getting my hiny out of bed and walking to the front of our apartment) I realized that actually, it was MAJOR construction happening on our staircase which is approximately 3 feet from our front door. The same staircase that, for the first 4 months of living here, swayed from side to side as we climbed to the second floor because it was that poorly attached to the building, and the same staircase that causes our entire side of the building to shake like an earthquake should anyone decide to conquer the steps with any sort of tenacity (ie: walking quickly, trotting, stomping, storming, running...etc.).

Speaking of earthquake, we had one! In March of this year. Alex and I were not home (thank God!) because I had enough of a scary "the world is going to end, and we're all going to die" moment just 32 miles away from the epicenter, which was less than a mile from our apartment. Actually, based on the damage to our apartment (and the complex), I'm convinced (because I'm an expert in tectonic ridges and all the things) that the ridge actually ran down the center of our apartment. I think that, not because I have studied seismic activity (as you might assume), but because all of our stuff (technical term) on one side of the apartment was thrown one way, and one the other side was thrown another way. This is scientific observation at its finest, really. Wanna see pictures? I know you're dying to.

 

Okay, okay, while it was pretty traumatic to walk into our apartment that looked like it had been ransacked, and have to part with 2 of our coffee presses, the fact remains that we were safe, and really, we still had 2 coffee presses remaining. (I mean we had 4 of them! In different sizes, that my husband had collected in his bachelor days- not complaining :) 

So, our staircase, as you may imagine, was WORSE, after being twisted from the earthquake. And about 4 weeks later, they re-stabilized the beams the stairs were attached to (which had been all rotted out... And today, on this glorious morning of wonderful deep sleep, months ( 5 months to be exact, but who's counting???) after the stairs practically fell off the second floor of our building, the stairs were (loudly) finished being repaired. 

The joys of apartment living. 

Also, can we talk about not having a washer and dryer IN our unit? I'm the worst at laundry, and hauling my chones across the lawn to the laundry facility is not my cup of tea. 

Can you believe how inconvenient all of these first world conveniences are???

Me neither. 

 

Posted with Blogsy

Radio Silence

I know you have been sitting at home wondering to yourself.. "Where has Maegan been? Why hasn't she written a blog recently? Whatever will I do without her blog in my life?" You have, right? I knew it!

It has been over 2 months since my last post (I had to go back and look.. I wasn't counting, I swear), and even those posts from 2 months ago are kind of cheater posts because they weren't for my personal blog, they were a blog project for my parish. Side note: what was I thinking committing to write a blog for a parish 30-Day prayer challenge, when I hadn't succeeded recently at posting blogs for more than 2 or 3 days in a row on my own blog?? I am crazy. But I did learn a ton from that experience! Mostly, that I CAN make myself blog more consistently, and that I am more likely to force myself to write for other people, than because it's something I want to do. That's a frightening thought, isn't it? Anyway...thoughts for a separate blog. :)

I have been ruminating in the silence... although I know that doesn't help you, dear reader, because you only hear the silent part... but I will share some of my thoughts and concerns, and I hope you will chime in as well!

One thing that I found to be very difficult in the Prayer Challenge project (you can go back in my previous posts to access those if you're curious) was the lack of interaction by the readers. I am very troubled by this! I want to blog, and I want to share about life and thoughts and beautiful/hard/messy things, but I don't want to be a window display where people walk by, stare, take it all in, maybe even think some thoughts to themselves, and then move along to the next window. I want to be a part of an online community of sharing, supporting, challenging, participating in each other's lives/blogs.

And this has had me thinking for the last two months...

How do I contribute to this culture?

I do it, you guys! So much! And I hate that I do it, but still, it continues.

The biggest culprit for me: the Face Books.

I'm almost embarrassed to admit my routine, but in the interest of full disclosure (and self-mortification, apparently):
I wake up, grab phone, scroll through Instagram (my fave) until I catch up to where I left off last time I scrolled through, and when I have exhausted that... I move onto FB. And for some reason, I get really stuck there. I don't know why, I don't even like it, and often feel "bored" there, but I just scroll and scroll and scroll. And you know what I have discovered? I don't even really read anything. I read the headings of articles people post, and occasionally I'll actually click on them and read them, but I mostly just scroll, and "like" and move on. To what end?

And this is what has kept me away from blogging..
I just scroll away my time, and my inspiration, and my thoughts... and I turn into a Zombie...and I typically leave a little depressed.

That. is. madness.
And I don't want to feed that monster anymore.
I want to say the things that are whirling around in my head.
And have actual interaction with other bloggers.
And contribute something beautiful and meaningful to my corner of the internet.

So, I'm going to try to replace that FB time slot with blogging. Reading blogs, commenting on blogs, posting blogs, thinking about blogging.

So please, dear readers, help me.
I want to hear your thoughts, reactions, comments, complaints.
Don't fall into the trap of the "casual observer" - be a participant... and I will be fighting for it right alongside you.

Blog re-re-(re?) Launch!

One of the blogs I follow has the most clever title and I giggle inside every time I see her posts in my Face Book newsfeed: A Blog for My Mom Isn't that fun?

Well, as much as I love my mom (and I do... A LOT), the more appropriate title for my blog would be:
A Blog for My Bestie

Let's be real- she's the one that I owe 0285782721 blogs to.
She is the one that texts me and begs me to post.
She is currently my only official follower (although I have over 600 views, so either clicking on my blog is her favorite past-time, or there are some other lurkers out there in the interwebs).
She is also the blog re-designer extraordinare who is responsible for this beautiful new page!
I mean, she is THE Mexican Domestic Goddess, after all.

Here's the thing... since I created this blog, I just didn't feel like it was designed quite right. But I don't have all the skills, and I'm stubborn and wanted to do it on my own (please tell me someone in blog-land hears me on that!). And, although I have many excuses for not blogging, one of the most common was that I just didn't feel proud of the aesthetic of my little corner of the sky. It just wasn't really me. It was too dark, and heavy, and although it did have polka dots (which I LURVE!) it didn't feel airy and free like I wanted it to.

So I asked Jacqui if she would be willing to play with it and make it more... "ME"
Because... who knows what's "you" more than your best girl friend, right?

My requests: 1.POLKA. DOTS. 2.Lighter/more airy 3. clean/stream-lined 4. more "ME"

Well, she pretty much nailed it, first time. Don't you think?

So, that's once excuse not to blog, down...

87 more to go! ;)

St. Peter St. Paul CrossFit 30-day Prayer Challenge: Maegan - Practicing the Presence of God

St. Peter St. Paul CrossFit 30-day Prayer Challenge: Maegan - Practicing the Presence of God: Yesterday came and went without a blog post from me, though it did not pass without prayer! I did not listen to my daily podcast yesterday, ...