Sweet Baby O

It is true, Alex and I are expecting a baby hopefully on or around June 4, 2015. Which makes me 14 weeks and 2 days along right now. Which explains the silence immediately after my zealous return to blogging about...say...6-7 weeks ago or so... Yep. That was right about the point where I was smacked in the face with "Morning Sickness," which, by the way, was obviously named by a man. With a wife who was so sweetly "sick" in the mornings only. I call bull shit. :D

I guess now that "the cat's out of the bag" I can finally complain about allthethings -Yesss!

I'm sure there will be many more posts about this later, which you, my dear readers, will be so enthusiastic about, but let me suffice it to say (for now) that I was very optimistic about not feeling sick during pregnancy because my mom never had morning sickness, and that's the best prediction of what your fertility/pregnancies will be like, right? Your mom's experience. Well, I'm kinda sure I've been sick enough for the both of us. And let me say, I was absolutely naive to how much life and energy and enjoyment of food this wonderful little parasite was going to steal from me. I have spent the last 8 weeks laying on my couch, not even being able to quilt (I know!), trying to find something to eat every hour of the day (I never thought I'd hate food so much!), throwing up in all the most bizarre places....Pregnancy is NO JOKE, people! 

There is Sweet Baby O at our first ultrasound (10weeks) if you don't know how to decifer those photos, let me help: baby is "laying on its tummy" (face down) with the head on the left and butt on the right. See the little arms and leg nubs on the bottom??? All the heart eyes. Heart beat was strong- 160 beats per minute. Please keep us, and baby in your prayers- life is so very fragile, and we are grateful for each day. 

Now, to change my "secret" Pinterest Baby boards to public...

Reflections on Apartment Living (and other first world problems)

So this morning, I awoke to the sound of what I thought may have been someone knocking on our door... no, window? ... nope..... oh, perhaps our neighbor is hanging things on her wall... at 8am?!?! Really??? Nope.... Now there is drilling... What the heck?!

After further exploration (via getting my hiny out of bed and walking to the front of our apartment) I realized that actually, it was MAJOR construction happening on our staircase which is approximately 3 feet from our front door. The same staircase that, for the first 4 months of living here, swayed from side to side as we climbed to the second floor because it was that poorly attached to the building, and the same staircase that causes our entire side of the building to shake like an earthquake should anyone decide to conquer the steps with any sort of tenacity (ie: walking quickly, trotting, stomping, storming, running...etc.).

Speaking of earthquake, we had one! In March of this year. Alex and I were not home (thank God!) because I had enough of a scary "the world is going to end, and we're all going to die" moment just 32 miles away from the epicenter, which was less than a mile from our apartment. Actually, based on the damage to our apartment (and the complex), I'm convinced (because I'm an expert in tectonic ridges and all the things) that the ridge actually ran down the center of our apartment. I think that, not because I have studied seismic activity (as you might assume), but because all of our stuff (technical term) on one side of the apartment was thrown one way, and one the other side was thrown another way. This is scientific observation at its finest, really. Wanna see pictures? I know you're dying to.

 

Okay, okay, while it was pretty traumatic to walk into our apartment that looked like it had been ransacked, and have to part with 2 of our coffee presses, the fact remains that we were safe, and really, we still had 2 coffee presses remaining. (I mean we had 4 of them! In different sizes, that my husband had collected in his bachelor days- not complaining :) 

So, our staircase, as you may imagine, was WORSE, after being twisted from the earthquake. And about 4 weeks later, they re-stabilized the beams the stairs were attached to (which had been all rotted out... And today, on this glorious morning of wonderful deep sleep, months ( 5 months to be exact, but who's counting???) after the stairs practically fell off the second floor of our building, the stairs were (loudly) finished being repaired. 

The joys of apartment living. 

Also, can we talk about not having a washer and dryer IN our unit? I'm the worst at laundry, and hauling my chones across the lawn to the laundry facility is not my cup of tea. 

Can you believe how inconvenient all of these first world conveniences are???

Me neither. 

 

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Radio Silence

I know you have been sitting at home wondering to yourself.. "Where has Maegan been? Why hasn't she written a blog recently? Whatever will I do without her blog in my life?" You have, right? I knew it!

It has been over 2 months since my last post (I had to go back and look.. I wasn't counting, I swear), and even those posts from 2 months ago are kind of cheater posts because they weren't for my personal blog, they were a blog project for my parish. Side note: what was I thinking committing to write a blog for a parish 30-Day prayer challenge, when I hadn't succeeded recently at posting blogs for more than 2 or 3 days in a row on my own blog?? I am crazy. But I did learn a ton from that experience! Mostly, that I CAN make myself blog more consistently, and that I am more likely to force myself to write for other people, than because it's something I want to do. That's a frightening thought, isn't it? Anyway...thoughts for a separate blog. :)

I have been ruminating in the silence... although I know that doesn't help you, dear reader, because you only hear the silent part... but I will share some of my thoughts and concerns, and I hope you will chime in as well!

One thing that I found to be very difficult in the Prayer Challenge project (you can go back in my previous posts to access those if you're curious) was the lack of interaction by the readers. I am very troubled by this! I want to blog, and I want to share about life and thoughts and beautiful/hard/messy things, but I don't want to be a window display where people walk by, stare, take it all in, maybe even think some thoughts to themselves, and then move along to the next window. I want to be a part of an online community of sharing, supporting, challenging, participating in each other's lives/blogs.

And this has had me thinking for the last two months...

How do I contribute to this culture?

I do it, you guys! So much! And I hate that I do it, but still, it continues.

The biggest culprit for me: the Face Books.

I'm almost embarrassed to admit my routine, but in the interest of full disclosure (and self-mortification, apparently):
I wake up, grab phone, scroll through Instagram (my fave) until I catch up to where I left off last time I scrolled through, and when I have exhausted that... I move onto FB. And for some reason, I get really stuck there. I don't know why, I don't even like it, and often feel "bored" there, but I just scroll and scroll and scroll. And you know what I have discovered? I don't even really read anything. I read the headings of articles people post, and occasionally I'll actually click on them and read them, but I mostly just scroll, and "like" and move on. To what end?

And this is what has kept me away from blogging..
I just scroll away my time, and my inspiration, and my thoughts... and I turn into a Zombie...and I typically leave a little depressed.

That. is. madness.
And I don't want to feed that monster anymore.
I want to say the things that are whirling around in my head.
And have actual interaction with other bloggers.
And contribute something beautiful and meaningful to my corner of the internet.

So, I'm going to try to replace that FB time slot with blogging. Reading blogs, commenting on blogs, posting blogs, thinking about blogging.

So please, dear readers, help me.
I want to hear your thoughts, reactions, comments, complaints.
Don't fall into the trap of the "casual observer" - be a participant... and I will be fighting for it right alongside you.

Blog re-re-(re?) Launch!

One of the blogs I follow has the most clever title and I giggle inside every time I see her posts in my Face Book newsfeed: A Blog for My Mom Isn't that fun?

Well, as much as I love my mom (and I do... A LOT), the more appropriate title for my blog would be:
A Blog for My Bestie

Let's be real- she's the one that I owe 0285782721 blogs to.
She is the one that texts me and begs me to post.
She is currently my only official follower (although I have over 600 views, so either clicking on my blog is her favorite past-time, or there are some other lurkers out there in the interwebs).
She is also the blog re-designer extraordinare who is responsible for this beautiful new page!
I mean, she is THE Mexican Domestic Goddess, after all.

Here's the thing... since I created this blog, I just didn't feel like it was designed quite right. But I don't have all the skills, and I'm stubborn and wanted to do it on my own (please tell me someone in blog-land hears me on that!). And, although I have many excuses for not blogging, one of the most common was that I just didn't feel proud of the aesthetic of my little corner of the sky. It just wasn't really me. It was too dark, and heavy, and although it did have polka dots (which I LURVE!) it didn't feel airy and free like I wanted it to.

So I asked Jacqui if she would be willing to play with it and make it more... "ME"
Because... who knows what's "you" more than your best girl friend, right?

My requests: 1.POLKA. DOTS. 2.Lighter/more airy 3. clean/stream-lined 4. more "ME"

Well, she pretty much nailed it, first time. Don't you think?

So, that's once excuse not to blog, down...

87 more to go! ;)

St. Peter St. Paul CrossFit 30-day Prayer Challenge: Maegan - Practicing the Presence of God

St. Peter St. Paul CrossFit 30-day Prayer Challenge: Maegan - Practicing the Presence of God: Yesterday came and went without a blog post from me, though it did not pass without prayer! I did not listen to my daily podcast yesterday, ...

St. Peter St. Paul CrossFit 30-day Prayer Challenge: Maegan - Breathing Again.

St. Peter St. Paul CrossFit 30-day Prayer Challenge: Maegan - Breathing Again.: I noticed last week, when I was sitting in my office prayer corner during my prayer time, that I started  taking big, deep breaths without e...

St. Peter St. Paul CrossFit 30-day Prayer Challenge: Maegan- Revealing Attachments.

St. Peter St. Paul CrossFit 30-day Prayer Challenge: Maegan- Revealing Attachments.: Yesterday I didn't blog (obviously), and as you at have guessed by my lack of blogging, I also didn't listen to my podcast. I was fe...

St. Peter St. Paul CrossFit 30-day Prayer Challenge: Maegan - "will" versus "shall"

St. Peter St. Paul CrossFit 30-day Prayer Challenge: Maegan - "will" versus "shall": This morning I turned on the  podcast  when I got to work. I was trying to focus, but was a bit distracted, so I just left it on in the back...

St. Peter St. Paul CrossFit 30-day Prayer Challenge: Maegan - Trying something new.

St. Peter St. Paul CrossFit 30-day Prayer Challenge: Maegan - Trying something new.: I decided I am not going to count the days anymore, mostly because I'm confusing myself. (Did the challenge start on the 3rd or t...

St. Peter St. Paul CrossFit 30-day Prayer Challenge: Maegan - Day 2. "Uprooted"

St. Peter St. Paul CrossFit 30-day Prayer Challenge: Maegan - Day 2. "Uprooted": Today's podcast was a little more challenging for me than yesterday's. (If you've missed it, I'm sharing my prayer from my 3...

St. Peter St. Paul CrossFit 30-day Prayer Challenge: Maegan - Day One

St. Peter St. Paul CrossFit 30-day Prayer Challenge: Maegan - Day One: So far so good! :) I remembered to listen to the  Pray As You Go podcast  on my way to work this morning. (Which is my own personal decision...

St. Peter St. Paul CrossFit 30-day Prayer Challenge: Failing to plan...

I have been away from blogging here for so many reasons, which I am sure I will discuss here someday, but for now, I wanted to share the work I'm doing contributing to a different project - a 30 day prayer challenge hosted by my parish of St. Peter & St. Paul in Alta Loma, CA.



The goal is simple: 30 days of prayer. Individually, but also, together in communion as a Church. We so easily (or sometimes not so easily) commit to 30-day weight loss challenges, instagram photo-a-day challenges, or blogging challenges- so why not work on transforming our prayer life?



Even if you are not a parishioner, but would like to join us, please link up! We can all support one another in this journey of prayer, and hopefully inspire one another along the way!







St. Peter St. Paul CrossFit 30-day Prayer Challenge: Failing to plan...: ...means planning to fail, right? How many times have you heard that phrase? Perhaps more to the point: how many times have you lived that ...

Linking up with CatholicAllYear: Answer Me This!

Guys, I have SO much I should be doing so, you know, bring on the blog!

I'm learning about all of this fancy, schmancy blog world and let me tell you, things have changed since the days of livejournal. Amiright? I didn't need my bestie boo to show me around in high school (let's face it, I did actually, but I didn't know her yet) but thank the Lord she is here to give me a tour of the blog-o-sphere! So, I'm "linking up" for the very first time!

This Linkup comes from the awesome blog: www.catholicallyear.com of which, I am a new follower. Here we go!

1. Do you hate happy clappy church music?

Full disclosure: YES! But before you throw your tambourine at me and call me a "Traddie" hear me out... I love me some Hillsong United, and can "free praise" with the best of them; I served as a Missionary and staff member with a Catholic Ministry that has it's roots in the charismatic renewal (www.netusa.org); I am a LIFE TEEN Youth Minister at my parish; music stirs my soul and that is where God often speaks to me; BUT: Liturgy is Liturgy. And Liturgy is ancient and perfect and always relevant. And there is beauty in the old hymns and chants of the church.

2. What is your priority: eating or sleeping?

Yummm.....sleep! My philosophy is this: sleep is the key to world peace. But also, I get majorly hangry and that is not a pretty thing.

3. What type of milk do you drink in your house?

Vanilla Unsweetened Almond Milk from Trader Joe's. It is SO creamy and delicious and now I have been ruined and cannot drink any other brand of almond milk.

4. What is a book that changed your perspective on something?

So I grew up knowing about chastity and the sex was good and should be saved for marriage, but the "why" was missing. Good News About Sex and Marriage: Answers to Your Honest Questions about Catholic Teaching by Christopher West (http://www.amazon.com/Good-About-Marriage-Revised-Edition/dp/0867166193) gave me the "why" and helped me to begin to change my understanding of sex and combat the influences of society on my perspective. Just before I was married, I read: Holy Sex!: A Catholic Guide to Toe-Curling, Mind-Blowing, Infallible Loving by Gregory Popcak, PhD (http://www.amazon.com/Holy-Sex-Toe-Curling-Mind-Blowing-Infallible/dp/0824524713) which further changed my perspective and helped me address a lot of my subliminal attitudes about sex being shameful or dirty which I had developed over the years and didn't even know were lingering there. I highly recommend both books!

5. Who is your favorite saint?

Ugh. One? Really? Okay, so real talk: I LOVE the sweetness and goodness that is St Therese of Liseaux. And I am so kicked-in-the-butt by the holiness and devotion of Blessed Teresa of Calcutta. But I'm probably more like the drag-her-feet, complainy, I-don't-really-want-to-but-okay-you-got-me-God, of Teresa of Avila. And by "more like her" I really just mean natural disposition and in my dreams I'm that holy. Those three women are kind of my whole heart, and they all have adopted me as their "daughter" and kickedmybutt/wonmyheartover to get me to where I am today. "The Teresa's," pray for me!

6. Introvert or extrovert?

I am an introvert that can make myself morph into an extrovert when the situation calls for it (for about 10 minutes) and then I need to hibernate for about a day.

That was fun! I need a nap.

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A98

Because I cleaned the past couple days, (kinda), and because I have committed to be as real as possible, I'm going to post some pictures that display some of the beautiful things I love about our apartment, even though they show some of our mess too.

Keep in mind, we are on a SUPER limited income, and have mostly had to rely completely on things we already had, were gifted at our showers/wedding, inherited from generous people. There are lots of things I want to do, buy, make, etc., when I become rich. You too? Oh good. :)

Welcome to apartment A98!

The view of our dining area from our kitchen. Yes, that is a couch as a kitchen table bench. We inherited this high-back love seat and I am totally attached to it and we didn't have anywhere to put it. I had the inspiration to put it in the kitchen, and we love it. It's cozy, country-chic with the gingham fabric, and that is totally accidental because we inherited it! Also, hanging on the wall is our coffee cabinet. When we have more money, I want to put a cute yellow, or red, or navy, little cabinet underneath it on the floor as a mini beverage cart/stand. Coffee pots take up so much counter space! We love coffee. Also, wood linoleum floors. We weren't promised our apartment would have them, but the model we viewed did and I was obsessed with them. Alex and I wanted the wood look because it adds SO much character to this cookie cutter, pre-fabbed, suburban apartment. We opened the door the first day, saw the floors, and cried. (Of course). God's little confirmation that He was taking care of us all along. 

Turned, facing the opposite direction. Galley kitchen, per standard of every apartment in a 10 mile radius of us. I thought I would hate how closed off it feels, but it's not too bad. I hung my aprons on the far wall for a pop of happy. We have a decent amount of cupboard space, and A DISHWASHER! The. Best. Oh, and we just bought that succulent on the table, and every time I see it, it reminds me of my bestie, Jacqui. 

Here is one of the walls of our family room. Still a little messy (note the random stuff on the floor under the shelves), and the shelves are a little busy with stuff, but for now it's how we have it set up. Makeshift bar on top, DVDs, photos, collectibles dispersed below. Alex and I went on a date to the Getty in November, and stopped at a WholeFoods in Hollywood on the way back, and saw those citrus crates out back, to be thrown out. We swiped 6 of them in a total Bonnie and Clyde moment ("You get the car running... I'll throw the crates in! ...Wait! They're too heavy! Come back and help!" or something like that...) and were able to use 5 (one had a warped board and the other boards split upon trying to nail it back down). We set up the crates as a tv stand. I have to be honest, crate furniture is all over Pinterest, and I sort of felt like it just was the trendy thing to do. When I nabbed the crates, I still kinda felt like I was just chasing a trend, but now that we have them in, I'm converted. These were already stained, and are the perfect blend of rustic and, uh... not rustic? On the wall above the tv is a wooden key, from Target, a terra cotta our lady of Guadalupe from Cozumel, MX, and our family clock- a wedding present from Alex's brother and sister-in-law. It says "Odicino Family est. 2013" and I cried when we opened it. What a lovely gift!

This is the main decorative stuff over the main couch which sits opposite of the tv you just saw. It is so special to us for many reasons, and we find it fitting that is our "art piece" in our family room. The icon of St. Francis was a wedding gift to us from our marriage prep couple (who also happen to be dear friends of ours). It is a print of an icon written by a woman from my parish, an icon written in honor of Pope Francis, taken to an audience with Francis in Rome, and "confiscated" by him to be kept for his personal property! I love it, and I love the colors. On the shelf below it is a gold cross, a votive candle, a picture of our favorite little Lucy niece (the same one that was on our table during our wedding reception), a Madonna and Child statue from St Patrick's Cathedral in London, and on the wall, a wooden Immaculate Heart from our honeymoon in Xcaret, MX.

Our home is a work in progress, but it is ours, and it is warm, and it is "us" and we are so blessed and grateful. 

Home.

As I mentioned in my last post, I am recently married. One of the fun (and simultaneously terrifying) aspects of being newly married has been getting settled into our first place together and becoming "domesticated." Of course, who doesn't LOVE decorating? And who doesn't LOVE getting to put new toys (in the form of kitchen supplies) to work for the first time? And who doesn't LOVE trying new recipes and cooking for the people you care about? It. Is. All. Awesome. I have lots of stories to share about becoming domesticated (I think it will be a life-long journey for me), but for today I want to start by telling you our process of finding a home. 

One of my goals for this blog is to make sure that I portray myself and my life honestly, mess and all, because I struggle with perfectionism and comparison and I find that the world of social media has a way of making me feel like everyone I know is perfect, meanwhile I'm over here failing at life. I know that is my own distortion of the truth, but I do not want to contribute to that in someone else's life. And if I can actually help make someone else feel better about themselves (even if it's through my lack-of-having-it-all-together-ness), then I will be grateful.  

So here's the truth: the first several months of marriage have been AWESOME and at the same time, also AWESOMELY DIFFICULT! Yes, we smiled, and laughed, and were grateful through it all, but it's been a wild ride. Yes, I know we will look back with fond memories (we already do), but that doesn't minimize the experience as we were living it. Here's what happened with the housing "sitch", so you can feel sorry for us:

Housing Arrangement 1: 

About one month before we got hitched, we found a teensy-weensy apartment to rent that was the perfect location, and right in our (really small) housing budget. The apartment was newly built into the garage and part of the first floor of a two story house. We would have our own entrance, laundry, parking spot on the driveway, and cozy little first home. Did I say little? Yep. We approximate that this apartment was about 550 square feet. Though it was not a studio (the bedroom was separate), the kitchen setup was small and similar to studio style. My personal favorite part of the apartment was that the bathroom opened up to the "patio" / laundry room via a sliding glass door next to the toilet. It was quirky, but we were excited. We moved Alex's furniture in so he could live there until we got married, and as we did so, my father-in-law (a contractor by trade) noticed multiple not-to-code construction and safety issues, causing the apartment to be unsafe to inhabit. I cried. Our little "first place" was not happening and we had nowhere to go now just three weeks before the wedding. 

Housing Arrangement 2:

A close family friend came to the rescue and offered us the last month available on the lease of the apartment of their late father. Let me tell you, what a life saver! I was able to postpone fretting about where we would live, and we were able to have the first month of our married life to ourselves, to get adjusted and figure it out (or begin to, it's a HUGE adjustment!) This wonderful apartment was fully furnished, and my mom moved all my clothes over and organized the closet for us so that it would be settled when we returned from our honeymoon. I cried. We LOVED this apartment, in fact, we contemplated staying there permanently, but the commute for Alex was about an hour and ten minutes without traffic and the schedule he was working made the commute even more unbearable. Oh, I forgot to mention, this apartment was part of a "Mature Adult Community" aka Senior Living Center. Oh, and it was 450 sq feet, max. It was a 1 bedroom apartment, with a walk in closet, bathroom, family room and teensy tiny kitchen with a 1/2 size oven. I felt a little like I was living in a dollhouse! We lived super simply and had all of our stuff in storage (we used the furniture etc. already there), and I can honestly say, we both wish we could still live as simply as we did in that apartment. When we moved out, I cried. 

Housing Arrangement 3: 

After asking Alex to commute for over an hour (one way), it was only fair that I take a turn at commuting. Though both our parents gratuitously offered to take us in until we could find an apartment, we moved to Costa Mesa to live with the Odicino parents because they had more space available for us. I have to take this opportunity to say that I know that a majority of people would not be excited about or even be able tolerate living with their in-laws, but that couldn't be further from the truth for both Alex and I. We are at home in both families. I am so very grateful that Alex's parents were willing to let us live with them, were so wonderfully accommodating and caring, and welcomed me into their family as a daughter, not as a guest. Yes, Alex and I grew anxious to move into our own place and figure out who "we" were as a married couple and how "our" life would take shape together, but at the same time, we reveled in being "us" in the greater context of a family that loved us every day. Alex and I still miss watching tv with them in the evenings and chatting about the day over a glass of wine. We will both hold that memory close to our hearts. They took SUCH good care of us! We lived there for nearly 2 months, and when we left, you guessed it- I cried. 

Housing Arrangement 4:

Home. On September 25th, nearly three months after our wedding, we moved into our first apartment. We moved way too much stuff from two separate storage units into a 750 sq ft one bedroom apartment in Fullerton (and the overflow into our garage). In many ways, coordinating the move was more stressful than planning the wedding, but it's done and I don't ever want to think about how awful it was again. Now we're here, and we love it! The layout of the apartment is really great, the complex is shockingly quiet considering we're about a mile from Cal State Fullerton and we assumed we'd be surrounded by wild college students. The complex is beautiful and we feel like we live in Central Park. Everything is roses and rainbows! Ha. The truth is, it took 3 months to unpack our living space enough to be comfortable inviting anyone over to see it. We still have boxes and things tucked in corners until we figure out where we want to put stuff. Our bedroom is not organized AT. ALL. And as a result, is always a mess. I mean, embarrassed for anyone, including my mom who knows how messy I am, to see it MESSY. I still don't feel like I am caught up on life, or have completely set up our home, but most days I still love it. 

Stay tuned for my next blog with some sneak peaks into our humble abode. 

Dear Diary... (A Personal Blogging History)

Welcome to my first post on my new blog!

Although this is my first post here, it is not my first blog post, nor is it my first blog. I'm actually a little embarrassed to discuss how much "experience" I have with blogging because it's A. Lot. I figured it made sense in my first post here to recount my history of sort-of-blogging and blogging. So buckle your seat belts, folks! Here we go!

This is where my obsession began... 

I was just 10 years old and in the fifth grade when I received this journal for Christmas.

So young, so innocent, so embarrassingly awkward! I think my signature on the right (above) is from 5th grade when I first received the diary, but the writing to the left is from Jr High. "JC" stands for Jesus Christ. Duh... What else would it be for? (Sarcasm)  "Holichild" was my aim screen name from around that time as well. (I later invented an edgier handle: "pinkmotherpunker" #noimnotkidding #imsoembarassing). 

But wait, there's more!

My husband Alex and I got married this past June, and finally moved into our first place in September (that's a story for another post). When I was unloading the box of all my journals (I have a ton. Don't judge me) I thought it would be super fun to "journey down memory lane" with my new husband and give him a "glimpse into the mind of little Maegan." Dear reader, please, I beg you: if you ever feel inspired to make this nostalgic journey in your own life... DON'T. And if you, because of some over-romanticized lapse of judgement, think it might be a great idea to share that reminiscing with someone you love... STOP. Just don't. 

I mean sure, like my journal above, the page might begin with the sweet, so-naively-stupid-that-it's-kind-of-adorable reminder inside the diary, where the key is hidden in case you need to find it, but then it turns into pages and pages and pages of oh-my-glob-I'm-so-painfully-awkwardly-embarrassing. 

I mean... So many feelings!

Alex was riveted and I was gouging my eyes out.. Not an ideal "date night". 

So, thank God (I think?) my writing evolved over time. And when I got into 7th grade and graduated from just feelings to feelings and insecurity and hormones, my journal became this weird psycho-experiment. The girls in my grade started passing their diaries around and giving them to other girls to write them mushy mush mush "you're so great" letters in them so they could "keep them forever." The catch was you weren't supposed to read the "diary" part of the person's diary which you had in your possession, at home, with no one else watching. Yeah. Interestingly enough, I was so honest that I never listened to the rules and totally read everyone's journals. I mean, come on! (Also, in retrospect, can we say, "cry for attention?!")

Once I got to the high school phase of feelings and insecurity and hormones times a bajillion, I just oozed awkward journaling all over the place. I went through a letter writing phase, where I would write letters to people in my journal of all the things that I really was thinking and feeling and wanted to say to people, and then kept them safely in my journal so they would never have to know. I mean, where did I learn I couldn't tell people how I felt? Weirdsies. Then, the paper couldn't contain my emotions so it oozed all over the internets on my LiveJournal. Any LiveJournal-ers out there? Talk about throwback, that was before MySpace! (Had that later too).

Anyway, most of my early online blogging was a super melancholic, insecure, longing to be seen teenager and then young adult. I wrote way too vulnerably for the public eye, and gave away far too much of myself into the abyss of the interwebz. 

Then I became an older young adult, in my 21-24 years, and I wrote a little more cautiously, but still vulnerably, about faith, and my prayer life, and my insights of the world. 3 words: MEL.AN.CHOLIC. like woah. I remember I used to think of experiences in terms of blog posts. I would construct new posts in my daydreams and not be able to feel relaxed until I unburdened myself of those posts. And then, it all slowly died away. 

At first, I was too busy to post. I wanted to, I thought about it, but I didn't have the time. Often I'd forget my posts before I had an opportunity to publish them. Multiple times I wrote these elaborate, detailed, emotional posts and then lost interest or "got stuck" half-way through and then never rescued them from my drafts. I also wasn't quite sure who my audience was anymore, and even less certain of who I wanted it to be. 

Then I got engaged, and 9 months later got married, and I had nothing to say - not because I wasn't buzzing with insights and experiences (I definitely was), but because, for the first time, I wasn't desperate to be seen. I was seen, and known, and loved, in every day of my new life, and I didn't need to seek out that validation anymore. And so I sort of, dried up. 

That was a weird transition. 

I never stopped craving the artistic release and satisfaction of composing a good blog (you can't get rid of melancholic... It's there forever), I just didn't have any words to say. The only audience I needed to share with was my husband. 

That hasn't changed, my husband is my forever audience of one. But when my beautiful best friend began her lovely blog over at Mexican Domestic Goddess it ignited a desire in my heart again to create something beautiful. I realized, my husband gets the deepest parts of me, and he always will, and that is good! But I still have beauty to share with the world, and I still have the desire to write, and I still can celebrate the glory of this life with people in the blogosphere. 

So, here I am. Starting anew, again. 

This time as a married woman, renewed, and so different from who I used to be, and yet, more myself than when I began all those years ago. 

I hope you enjoy this journey with me. Hopefully, I won't be as awkward, but no guarantees.

All my journals.... I told you there were a lot....